Relationship Tips and Advice for Men Who Want to Make a Woman Happy and Make a Woman Want You

I don’t want to get all “barbaric” on you or anything but ever since the beginning of time, we men have killed other men over what we want, what we need and we’ve also killed over what we desire.

There’s a question that seems to be coming up for men in relationships with women these days that relates to this. The question goes something like this…What’s the difference between asking for and going for what you want and need sexually versus coming off being “needy” and “wimpy”?

This is such a great question and I’ve gotten several like this in my email box lately. Here’s a question with a slightly different twist on it that if you’re like a lot of men, you’ll want the answer to…

***Question From A Reader***

Hi Otto–First I want to say that I love your new “For Men” newsletter.
I just signed up and I’m loving your insights about men, women and relationships. I do have a question though…one that I don’t really know how to deal with. I’m hoping you can shed some light on it.
My question is…Women have told me that a man who is needy for sex is a turn off. But as a man, I do need sex to feel fulfilled in a relationship. Any suggestions?” Frank

My Response>>>

Hi Frank–First of all, thanks for the kind words. I appreciate them.
Since your question is one so many men are dealing with, I also appreciate your question greatly.

So, here’s the deal…Of course you need sex to feel “fulfilled” in a relationship. This is normal. But I also get what the women are saying who have told you that it’s a real turn off for a man to come off as “needy” for sex–or anything for that matter.

Believe it or not…There’s a HUGE difference between a man who needs sex to feel fulfilled in a relationship and coming across as “needy” to a woman. The first one (needing sex to feel fulfilled) is normal, natural and has always been the case for us men.

What I’ve found to be true about men and women and the differences between us is that sex for us men is like a doorway to feeling love, close, connected and appreciated. For women, on the other hand, it’s the exact opposite.

For women who are mostly “in their feminine radiance,” sex is something that happens naturally (in fact, they desire it a lot) when they are feeling close, connected, loved, appreciated and understood.

It’s no wonder we have so many challenges communicating with women and so much trouble understanding what they want. Ugh…The challenge for us guys is out of our desire for our women and our desire to make them happy and want to be with us.

We become so intensely focused on things like…”What can I do for you?” “How can I make it all better” “What’s wrong?” and “How can I make you happy?” And the trouble is that we very often become so intensely fixated on these kinds of questions that it can come off as “smothering” and “needy.”

To a woman this is simply NOT attractive. It’s also not sexy and it’s certainly not desirable. It’s no wonder she’s not “in the mood” as often as you might like.

Part of the problem is that this feeling of neediness is so intense that she feels there’s no way that she could take on that level of neediness even if she wanted to–with one exception. If you were her young child she could and would do it. Then it would feel normal and natural and something she (as a mother) should do. Women come hard-wired from the factory (our Creator) with this gift.

But as a partner, wife or lover, you’re not her child and when you overwhelm her with neediness, it’s just repulsive to women. You’re just someone else she has to take care of.

So, what do you do instead? If you want to turn your woman on more…If you want her to WANT to have sex with you more often, you’re going to want to stop any unconscious game-playing you’re doing and then focus on doing two things…

1) Start being more like a man and start acting from a place of strength, drive, focus, desire, courage, determination–as well as do what you say you’re going to do–and make her “attracted” to you again and want you more…

2) Go back to doing what you did in the beginning of your relationship to keep things hot, fresh, exciting and full of passion for each other.

The man who has a happy woman and gets what he wants in the process doesn’t act like a wimp and he sure as hell doesn’t act like a “bully.” The man who has a happy woman and gets what he wants in the process comes from a place of inner masculine strength. He loves.
He teases. He plays with his woman. He honors, loves and appreciates her and lets her know how wonderful she is.

He also stays in his “center” and doesn’t allow himself to get knocked off balance by life or his woman.

I know firsthand that it’s easier said than done. But this is what you do. I’m not perfect at it. No man is. So, what might this look like in living color?

One friend of mine recently suggested that the ideal man might be a blend of the movie star Russell Crowe only with heart. That’s not a bad starting place but don’t just try to be Russell Crowe. Be sure you make yourself your own version of his persona.

If you want a good example of this, check out– Russell Crowe’s character in the movie “American Gangster.” This will give you some things to think about. Russell Crowe with heart… but with your version, add more sensuality and connection.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

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