Relationship Advice for Men Who Want to Make a Woman Happy

Many men ask me…

“What do you do when she’s NOT happy about how much time I can spend with her?” She’s angry, upset and wants more time from you. You do your best and bend over backwards to be with her, spend time with her and do things with her and still… it doesn’t seem to be enough.

How can you spend more time with her when you’re already doing all you can? How much time with her is too much and how much is not enough?

What’s interesting is that I just had a man write to me with this issue. Here’s his question and my answer…

“Hi Otto, I’m really in a bad way right now. My woman and I are fighting quite a bit right now and I don’t know how to stop it. She told me something the other day that really bothered me. She said, ‘You never seem to have enough time for me.’ I told her I spend as much time with her as I can but it never seems like enough. I want for her to be more understanding of finances, time, work and why I work so much. Seems like there is no happy medium. What can I do to make her understand? Thanks” Jeff (Not His Real Name)

My response>>>>

Hi Jeff,

The real question is really 3 questions–

1) How much time do you REALLY want to spend with her?

2) Is she insecure or jealous and no matter how much time you spend with her it wouldn’t be enough?

3) Could it be that you either don’t spend as much time with her as you think or even that when you spend time with her, you’re not really with her?

I can’t know the answer to those questions but here are a few thoughts that should really help you with some new ways of thinking about time, your woman and your relationship.

In the beginning of your relationship, I’m guessing that spending time with your woman was never an issue. If you’re like me and how I’ve been in every relationship I’ve been in, in the beginning I couldn’t get enough of the woman I was with.

What’s different about my relationship with my wife and partner Susie than any other relationship I’ve been in, even after many years of being together, I still make spending time with her really important.

I was married to my first wife for 15 years and as I just said, I spent a lot of time with her in the beginning. As I look back, I didn’t spend time with her in the later years of our marriage. It seems that I found every excuse in the world to not spend time with her or at home.

I would go to concerts with other friends without her. I would visit family and friends without her. I would get involved in work or social activities without her. There was a part of me that justified all of this. I told myself that she wasn’t interested in the same things I was interested in.

Whether that was really true or not in my previous marriage, what I know for sure is that if you don’t spend time together, it’s impossible to stay close and connected. Even when I was at home, I wasn’t really spending time or connecting with her. While this certainly wasn’t the only reason that she and I aren’t together now, it was a contributing factor to our divorce.

If I stop spending time with my current wife Susie like I did with my first wife, as close and connected that we are right now, that closeness would ultimately fade away if we didn’t feed it.

I’m not suggesting at all that you have to be attached at the hip with your woman or that you can’t have interests she doesn’t share–but what I am saying is that if you want to keep the passion and spark alive for as long as you want, then you must find some common interests that you both enjoy and spend time with each other on a regular basis.

If you don’t, I can assure you that even if you choose to stay in this relationship or marriage, the passion will die- –guaranteed.

Gloria came to us because her marriage of 20 years had become unbearable. She loved her husband but he was so absorbed in his consulting work–even though he had retired the previous year–that he had little time for her. He often came home at 10pm from his office and went straight to bed and she was forced to find other people than him to do things with–like go to restaurants and movies.

He had encouraged her to buy season tickets for the two of them for a summer concert series in their town with the idea that these would be fun “dates” for the two of them. The trouble was that more often than not, he would cancel their “date” because he had to work at the last minute, leaving Gloria angry, frustrated and alone.

Gloria was hungry to have more of his time and attention and it was clear that his focus on his work was killing their passion and relationship.

If this kind of scenario is happening in your life, pay attention and find some balance. Ask yourself these questions-

What percentage of time do you actually spend truly connecting with your woman compared with the amount of time you spend doing other things like being on the computer, managing your fantasy team, spending time working on business after you’ve left the office, watching sports on TV or being with friends or hobbies that don’t include her?

What are you willing to rearrange or do differently to be able to spend more time with her?

When you have your answers, decide if you want to take a step toward getting closer to your woman by spending more time with her or if you want to make other things priorities in your life.

Hey, it’s your life–All I’m suggesting is that you live it consciously.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

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