If you’re like me, when it comes to your woman and your relationship with her– you NEVER think of yourself as “being a jerk.” But, I have some news to report to you about this…

I’ve certainly been a “jerk” much more than I care to admit–but it’s the truth. If you’re a man, it may not have been your intention but I’m willing to bet that there are plenty of times when you can come off like a jerk to your woman too.

The crazy thing is we men don’t even realize when we’re doing
something that might cause our women to think about us in this way.

I’m not going to go on forever but I thought it would be helpful to you if I shared 10 ways we men can come off like jerks to our women without even knowing it.

As you read these, be open to asking yourself if it’s possible that you do what I’m talking about. If you do, then become aware of when and how you’re a jerk so you can shift this way of being if it feels right for you to do so.

So here (in no particular order ) are ten ways we men can come off
like jerks to our woman…

1 Thinking she can read your mind and then getting upset about it when she doesn’t do what you want.

2. “Forgetting” important days, dates, holidays, special plans or important things the two of you have talked about.

3. Looking at and paying too much attention to other beautiful women (and then denying it when she catches you doing it).

4. Assuming and overreacting by thinking you know what she’s thinking and how she’s going to react. The truth is, we can never know how another person is going to react about anything–no matter how well we think we know them.
.
5. Blaming– This is when you use what we call “absolute words” like…
“you always,” “you never,” and “you are such a _______.”

Communicating with a woman is one of the most difficult things that we
men have to do as we work towards keeping a close connection with our woman. This is why the specific words you use and the language you use is so critical if you want to “light up your woman.”

If you want some help in using the “right” words with your woman, then
I recommend you pick up a copy of our “Magic Relationship Words”
book and audio program at http://www.MagicRelationshipWords.com.

Another way we men can be “Jerks” is…

6. Overreacting to the story you’ve got in your mind that may or may not be true in various situations.

What happens when you overreact to the stories in your mind is you either come on too strong and she withdraws from you or you “collapse” and you withdraw from her. Either one is not good and this is why it’s so important to be aware and conscious of our stories that we’re carrying around and living from.

She may not use this exact language but, almost any woman will think you are the equivalent of a jerk.

The next way we men can be jerks is…

7 When you don’t do your part around the house with chores, cleaning etc.

Let’s face it, even today–as evolved as we’ve become, when it comes to housework, in general women STILL do more cooking, cleaning and
childcare than we men do.

Although we men may do other kinds of jobs around the house, like
simple repairs, the research clearly shows that our women outwork us
by far around the house even when they have other jobs too.

We men will often times go through some bizarre gyrations to avoid
doing some simple tasks or jobs around the house that we don’t
want to do.

In our recent survey to women where we asked them what would get
them in the mood for love and passion more often–one of the answers
that surprised us the most was when they responded in great numbers
with a statement something like… “If I could get him to take on part of the load of household chores, I’d have a whole lot more energy (and interest) in his advances in the bedroom.”

Another way men come off as “jerks” can be …

8. When you don’t speak up, don’t say what’s on your mind or
communicate to your woman what’s important to you.

My wife Susie and I call this “talking on eggshells” and women hate it. I think there are actually some women who question a man’s masculinity
if he’s unwilling or incapable of speaking his truth or saying what’s on his mind.

What I know to be true about women is that they want your attention but they also want your heart and your honesty. If you have trouble saying what you want to your woman out of fear for what she’ll say, how she’ll react or respond–then this has to stop.

I’m not suggesting you become a bully or an even bigger jerk about
“speaking your truth” when you say what you’ve been holding back, but
I am saying that holding back does need to stop if you want your
relationship to be what you want it to be.

Know that you can learn to always say what you want–honestly and
sincerely, with heart.

If you want some help with this, be sure to check out our “Stop Talking
On Eggshells” program here… http://www.StopTalkingOnEggshells.com

Next is…

9. When we men talk about how incredible or beautiful other women are far more often than you compliment or praise your woman.

Since some researchers say men grow through challenge and women
grow through praise, then I would suggest that if you want your woman to shine and be more open and radiant, then you’ll want to spend your compliments praising her and NOT some other woman.

Remember, she loves and has chosen you to be her man and she also
wants to hear from time to time how grateful you are for her and how
incredible you think she is.

It’s been my experience that you can never praise your woman too much as long as it’s done with sincerity and conviction.

And finally…

10. Men can be perceived as jerks by women when we’re NOT touching our woman all day (or all week) and then we expect her to respond to your touch at night. when you get to the bedroom.

Women love to be touched in non-sexual ways and your woman in particular craves your touch more than you could ever imagine.

My advice (if you want to light up your woman) is to never stop touching her in sexual and non-sexual ways. You’ll be glad that this was some advice you took because in her eyes there’s no replacement for your touch.

So, what do you do with this information you’ve just read?

If you want to light up your woman, make her happy and get more of
what you want–don’t do these things.

In fact, you’d probably be well served to use these 10 things as a starting off point to see what other times or in what other ways you do things that might cause your woman to pull back from you or react negatively to you.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

As relationship coaches, one of the biggest complaints my wife Susie and I hear from our relationship breakthrough coaching clients who are women is how big of an issue it is when men can’t (or don’t) stop looking at other beautiful women–especially when they’re out together in public.

This is an even bigger or more explosive problem when a man has had a physical or emotional affair or he’s cheated at some point in the past and he finds that he’s always checking out other women.

This is one of the reasons we created our “Relationship Trust Turnaround ” – to help men (and women) build more trust when issues like this come up.

There are several problems that we men have around this issue of looking at other women that are not ours…

First, we men don’t realize how much time and energy we spend “checking out” other attractive women. and (2) we don’t realize how big of a deal it is to our women.

We also don’t realize how much pain it causes our women when we do it.

If you are a man and you doubt the fact that we spend way much more time, energy and focus checking out other women than is healthy for our relationship and marriage, then do yourself, your woman and your relationship a favor and next time you’re at the mall–try a little experiment.

The experiment is simple: Go to the mall and watch other men and “notice” just how much we check out other women.

We look ridiculous (and even silly) as we break our necks looking at this woman and that one–and then we try to deny doing it if we’re “caught” by our woman.

The tragedy is we’re doing a lot of damage to our relationship or marriage when we check out other women and here’s why…

Our women are both a lot more observant and intuitive than we think.

They know what we’re doing when we’re checking out another woman when we pretend to be looking at something else.

Believe me when I say that women aren’t fooled at all.

They see everything and every time they see you checking out another beautiful woman, there is a voice that goes off in their head that says something to her like…

“He’s checking out other women. He wants her and not me” or “She’s much more beautiful than me. I’m going to lose him to her.”

Even if you love her very much and you have no intention to ever leave her, she still has these voices going off in her head when you pay too much attention to and look at other women too long,

This (believe it or not) seems like such a small thing to most men but believe me, it is major to your woman.

So, what do you do if you can’t stop or you think you can’t help yourself from looking?

Here, I’m going to steal a line from the Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron who recommends in situations like these that are “temptations” that you “not bite the hook.”

This is sort of using a fishing analogy here–but what is the one thing you would NOT want to do if you were a fish in the water where there are lots of people fishing?

If you hoped to stay alive, the one thing you wouldn’t want to do is bite the hook.

That’s right!

When it comes to checking out other women, don’t bite the hook.

This is a lot easier said than done but here’s what I do…

And before you start thinking that I’m about to say that I’m above looking at other women–I’m not.

Believe me, I love looking at beautiful and sexy women.

I have just learned how to “keep my eyes on the prize” when it comes to relationships and do some things internally (inside my own mind ) that really work for me in helping me to stay focused on my woman and not other women.

Because I know how to light up my woman (my wife Susie), I get everything I want–which includes all the love, attention and YES time in bedroom I would ever want.

You see the one thing that I do that is the complete opposite of what most men do as it relates to this issue is this…

When I notice another attractive woman, just like when I see a beautiful sunset, a beautiful flower or the jet black Lexus I saw the other day, what I do is I appreciate the beautiful gift of the moment that God has blessed me with AND…

I move on.

Most guys don’t move on.

Most guys not only make a big deal of the other woman and how beautiful, good looking or “hot” she is but they allow themselves to become fixated on her and her beauty.

If you want to light up your woman and create an incredible relationship with her, here’s what I recommend…

Spend more time focusing on your woman’s beauty, sexiness and radiance.

If you have trouble doing this, I suggest that you deliberately spend some time “getting yourself turned on” and excited about some aspect about your woman that you find exciting, sexy and turns you on when you focus on it.

Are you turned on by your woman’s lips?

What about her cute _________?

What about her____________?

The goal is to find the the most sexy, exciting, incredible aspects of your woman and consciously spend time getting yourself turned on by her and the most desirable aspects of her.

Then you focus on that.

I know what you’re thinking.

“Even though I love my woman, she’s nowhere near as good looking as many women I see as I go about my day.”

And while that may be entirely possible,  focusing on these other women WILL NOT help you create more of what you want with YOUR WOMAN.

It’s that simple.

If you want more from your woman, one thing you’re going to want to do is make her more exciting to you and you do this by focusing your thoughts on your woman’s sexiness or what turns you on about her.

Changing what you focus on is like building a muscle.

You start with small weights and you build up to the harder ones.

In this case, you start with asking yourself what you love, like, appreciate and find attractive or sexy about your woman and you spend time focusing on those aspects of her and NOT on how unattractive she has become or how much she complains about you to her sister or best friend.

You also work on creating new stories in your head about other women.

With these stories though, you consciously work on making your story about other women be less desirable.

For example:

I tell myself things like, this other woman is good looking but there’s no way she could ever compare to my woman when it comes to  _______________.  And then  I fill in the blank with a good quality about my woman that I find incredible.

There’s a song I once heard by our old friend, Charley Thweat that had some incredible lyrics that I think will apply and help us here if we change his words around just a bit.

The lyrics of this song are about finding internal peace and happiness and Charley sang the words… “Peace I find on every corner… because I look for it.”

It’s the same way when it comes to finding something desirable or sexy about your woman.

If you will only look for it, I’m totally certain that you can find some aspect of your woman that gets you excited and turns you on.

But here’s the key. Spend some time and energy looking for it on a regular basis.

Since it’s impossible for the mind to occupy two thoughts at the same time, I recommend that you spend conscious, focused time on the desirable aspects of your woman and off of what’s desirable about all the other women in the world.

Did I say to put blinders on and stop looking at other women altogether?

My answer is NO.

I’m not going to pretend that other women don’t exist.

They do.

I’m just not going to allow my mind to get fixated on women who are not mine and I don’t want anyway.

One of the things I want most in the whole world is a close, connected,  relationship with my woman that is full of passion that doesn’t ever die.

I am smart enough to know that I can only have this if I spend my time focusing on what’s incredible and sexy about MY woman and not be fixated about other women and how incredible they are.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

If you’re a man who has a “pit bull wife,” there’s an important lesson here if you want to have any hope of creating the kind of relationship you want with your woman…

Marty is at his wits end and wants to know what to do about his relationship with his wife. He loves her but doesn’t feel “in love” with her any more because she’s a lot like a pit bull dog. Everything is going along just fine one minute and the next minute, she’s going for his throat and he doesn’t even know what he’s done.

If you’re with a woman who’s a “pit bull,” sometimes it’s all you can do to just try and survive and keep your sanity and your manhood. You do whatever you can to try to keep the peace.

If you’re with a woman who’s a “pit bull,” you know what I’m talking about.

You do what my wife Susie and I call “talk on eggshells” and try to make sure you don’t say anything that will “set her off.”

Sometimes you just become emotionally or energetically distant so that you don’t have to deal with her.

Other times you might get into these big blowout fights with her only to find out that that doesn’t work either.

Today, more than ever, there seems to be an abundance of women who are “pit bulls” and won’t back down ever until they get their way and get what they want.

I personally know how crazy this can be to be in a relationship with a woman who’s a pit bull. Just like our friend Marty, I’ve been in a relationship with a pit bull and let me tell you that it can certainly be
a roller-coaster ride and not one you want to be on for very long.

There are three traits I’ll share with you that can help you identify if a woman is a “pit bull” or not. She’s demanding, at times domineering and can also be a big-time manipulator.

It’s not fun to try to deal with a woman you’re in a relationship with or married to who is a “pit bull” because it’s very difficult to think about the idea of “lighting her up” when you’re just trying to make sure you don’t get swallowed up by her and her anger, her critical or harsh comments or manipulation.

So, what do you do if you are with a woman who’s a “pit bull” and you’re wanting more from the relationship?

What do you do when you love her but it seems like everything she does stings so bad and rams a big hole in your heart?

Here is some advice for men like Marty in a situation like this. If you’re in a relationship with a “pit bull” and you want her to change…

1 Spend more time focusing on what you want for your relationship and life and commit to yourself to having more of that.

If you’re in a relationship or married to a “pit bull” and want her to change, I think it’s going to be really important to start to get clear on what you want more of the time, giving yourself permission to have it and finding ways to create it.

2. Get out of limbo-land

“LImbo-land” is this place where you feel stuck in your relationship or marriage and aren’t really sure whether it’s best for you to stay in this committed relationship or whether you should think about moving on.

There are many things that go into making this decision and because it’s such an important one, that’s why we created our “Should You Stay or Should You Go?” book and audio program.

It’s an amazing program that helps you decide whether you should stay or go and whether you can ever have what you want in this relationship or whether you should move on.

3. Step up. Really step up.

Sometimes our women become “pit bulls” because they don’t feel like we men are “trustable” to be THE MAN.

My advice–learn how to become more masculine, more present, more solid, more centered and more of a man.

When you do this, it will give your woman the idea more of the time that she can relax and depend on you. She’ll trust that she doesn’t have to be the ONLY one who has to lead in your relationship.

When I imply she doesn’t “trust” you, I don’t mean that she thinks necessarily thinks you’re cheating.

I mean that even a “pit bull” at her core wants to relax some of the time and let her man take the lead–but only if he’s trustable.

4. Stop Talking On Eggshells…

So much of the time, we men don’t say what we want and what’s important to us in our relationship and life. Then we’re angry and pissed off when we don’t get more of what we want.

If you want to create something different and special with your woman (or anyone else), then you absolutely MUST Stop Talking On Eggshells.

It’s impossible to create what we want with our woman if we’re afraid to ask for it.

If you want to light up your woman, one of the absolute keys is to stop talking on eggshells. This is because whether you’re in a committed relationship or not, NO WOMAN is attracted to or turned on by a man who’s afraid to say what’s on his mind or holds back in speaking his truth.

We men love women who are assertive, forward and take the initiative (especially in the bedroom) but there’s a fine line women can cross from being assertive to being demanding, controlling or manipulative to the point where it isn’t healthy and it doesn’t feel good.

If you find yourself in a relationship with a pit bull, my advice is to find a way to “tame” her.

The four tips I just gave you is a great place to start (no matter where you are).

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

I’ve been training in and studying the Martial Art Aikido for the last 6 to 7 months. I just passed my first rank test and I’ve been getting a whole lot of benefit from Aikido in many profound ways.

This is one of the reasons I read with great interest a story on the internet recently about a situation that happened in Bankok Thailand.

As the story I read detailed…”A manhunt was underway on a Thai island for a British kick boxer who allegedly picked a fight with an American tourist at a bar, followed him back to his hotel and stabbed him to death…The body of Dashawn Longfellow, 23, a former Marine who was awarded the Purple Heart, was found before dawn Saturday at the Yanui Paradise Resort on the island of Phuket with several stab wounds in his chest, said police Lt. Col. Anukul Nuket.”

As I read this story about this scene and what happened and I tried to make sense of it, I spent some time thinking about how much of a bad-ass this kick boxer must be.

Even though I had been training in a martial art for a few months, I got to thinking about how overmatched I would be if I ever got into a situation with someone like this guy.

As I thought about how outmatched I would be if I ever went up against someone like the Muay Thai expert I read about in the article, the thought occurred to me that has occurred to many men when difficult moments come up…

“Why even try?”

This thought of “why even try?” was so pervasive and consumed me so much for most of an entire day that I wanted to stop training in Aikido and never go back to the dojo (even though it has changed me and continues to change me for the better every time I go).

Just like many men who are having challenges in their relationships or marriages think about those relationships, I thought…

Why work THIS hard?

Why go through all this if it isn’t going to matter?

Why don’t I just quit?

After all, I’d never be able to beat someone like that. Forget about the fact that I’m going to be 48 in a few days–it’s just that I’m not that mean to want to hurt someone like that man did. It’s just not in my makeup.

Again, I thought, I’ll never be like that and I never will be so why even try and why don’t I just quit?

This place of “why even try” wasn’t unfamiliar to me because I’ve felt that feeling many times in my previous relationships and my previous marriage and I’m guessing that you’ve felt this way too at some point in your relationships or life too.

Most men have.

It wasn’t until the end of the day and I was taking a shower that the answer come to me in a crystal clear voice about why I shouldn’t quit taking Aikido classes and why you shouldn’t quit either when life or your woman gets difficult and you want to quit.

I’d like to offer you the same paradigm shift I gave myself when I finally stopped beating myself up that night and I started thinking in a more empowering way.

The paradigm shift to consider is this…I’m not now or never will I be fighting against someone else…

My fight is with myself and I need to focus on being the best me that I can possibly be instead of comparing myself to someone else or giving my power away to someone or something else.

That’s right, my task is to focus on being the best me I can instead of focusing on someone or something else.

What I’ve decided to do and what I encourage and challenge you to do anytime the question of “Why even try?” comes up is to turn this question on its ear and spend some time, effort and energy coming up with positive reasons why you should try. (seriously)

Then, what I encourage you to do is come up with a list of reasons why instead of why not. For example: As you think about your relationship with your woman and your life for a moment, ask yourself …Why should you care about becoming the best man you could possibly be?

Why should you lose that 30 pounds you’ve been carrying around for far too long?

Why should you start trying to get a better job even in this economy?

Here’s a question for you about your relationship with your woman or the woman you want to have…Have you “given up” on having something great and settled for less than you should?

If you have, then don’t give up. Just stop it right now.

One of the most critical things you can do if you want a better relationship , marriage or life is to find a way to raise your standards and motivate yourself to being the best you–you could ever hope for.

I’ve heard it said that you can survive anything if you could only find the “why.”

What I’d like to suggest to you is that you find your “why” for living and live from that place. When you do this, your woman will love being with the kind of man who shows up and lives from this place.

No matter what, don’t ever settle for less than you want. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to your chosen woman.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

If your woman no longer turns you on (but other women do), here’s a question for you…Do you hold your woman (and ALL women) to a higher standard than you do yourself?

If you’re anything like me and almost every other man I know, the answer is YES and not only is it not fair to women but it could also be keeping your woman from being as attracted to you as you might like.

Until I got this email I’m about to share with you, I haven’t really put too much thought into this idea but this woman’s words really spoke to me as truth and I want to share them with you now…

Woman’s Comments>>>>

“I am a woman and I read some of the articles for men. I like them. Good advice. One thing, in the article about loving a woman who no longer turns you on, while spot on in every respect, I would like to add that there are probably things the women of these men overlook also.

“We are slightly more visual than you would think and there is some biology to this, just not the stuff you always read about. We are also social creatures and are influenced by others around us –media, friends, societal changes, reactions to how men act towards us, etc….

“Keep in mind that women are no longer so dependent on a man financially as we once were. We no longer have so many kids to provide for, so we can be choosy.

“Women are having affairs in greater numbers than ever. I hear more women being shallow about men’s appearances and expecting more than ever before. I am not making a value judgment, I am not crazy about this trend, because I don’t like superficiality in anyone.

“However, before judging a woman harshly for not being a Victoria Secret model, remember that unless you are Greek godlike, women probably lovingly choose to focus on positive aspects of their men too, instead of the paunchy belly, receding hairline, or poor taste in clothing. Just saying.

“Otto, balance it out by telling the guy to look in the mirror before casting aspersions on his wife’s appearance. Besides being loving makes us all more loveable and beautiful and leads to healthier living.

“If he is loving, she will probably be happier and healthier and may indeed lose weight.”

Otto’s Response>>>

I think this is some amazing advice and there’s nothing that can be argued with here. The challenge for us men is to hold ourselves to the same standards (or higher) than we place on our women. This is something I’m doing in my own life.

For example, I can stand to lose some weight and I’ve recommitted to working out with a trainer twice a week and being more conscious about my food choices.

This woman who wrote in to me is totally right on. How can we expect our women to look like Victoria Secret models and be ready to have sex with us every time we turn around if WE don’t turn them on as well?

We can’t.

So, I’ll leave you with a question…What changes are you willing to make in your life to hold yourself to a higher standard than you’ve been willing to do up until now?

My advice is to look at all the different aspects of your relationship and life and just consider what you might be willing to commit to in order to make things more exciting and bring more of the passion back.

Look at the physical, your attitudes, your beliefs, your relationship skills like your ability to communicate or anything else that will help you hold yourself to a higher standard.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

We had a big storm hit the area where we live yesterday and two guys got killed when the roof, walls and foundation “collapsed” on a building they were working in.

This was tragic and what’s just as tragic is when we men do something very similar in our relationships…What I’m talking about is when we men “collapse.” This is one of the things that we men do that our women just can’t stand.

In fact, this is one of the things that your woman will get the most angry with you about and the weird thing is you’re probably hearing this for the first time here.

The truth is I’m guilty of “collapsing” from time to time and I’m willing to bet that you are as well.

Here’s how this goes…

Sometimes life is a storm and not easy to deal with. Sometimes your woman is like a storm (maybe even a firestorm of emotions). Sometimes both life and your woman are like dealing with a storm (and everything that goes with it) at the same time.

The question is–when either or both of these things happen, what will you do?

Will you stand in your center and allow the storms of life and/or your woman to pass through or will you “collapse” and let these storms kill you?

One quick way you can tell is to look at your personal history. How have you dealt with tragedy, loss, pain and setbacks? How have you dealt with things when they didn’t work out the way you would have liked?

How have you dealt with things in those moments when life seemed so dark you didn’t know where to turn or what to do?

There have been plenty of those times in my past when I felt lost, alone, didn’t know what to do about the things I was facing in my life and I did what many men do–I would shut down. I would shut physically, personally and emotionally.

Every man reacts and responds differently to life challenges but in those situations (which could last for a while), I used to become almost “vacant” for days at a time.

Fortunately, I don’t respond to what life throws at me that way anymore. I’m not always perfect but now I have very different ways in which I respond and react that work much better for me now and the results are nothing short of amazing.

Here’s what I do now and what I recommend you do in difficult moments in your relationship with your woman and life…

First of all–don’t be like the building I mentioned earlier that “collapsed” and killed those two men. No matter what happens in your life, you have to remain solid, stay in your center and continue to love (even in difficult moments).

Whenever you catch yourself saying or thinking things like…

–I’ll never be able to

–What’s the use?

–She’ll never

–This sucks Or any number of other things we typically say when things get tough

The main thing is to NOT give in, give up or collapse in the face of challenge. Your woman wants desperately to to be able to feel like she can count on you NO MATTER WHAT.

If you “collapse” when a difficult moment hits, that tells her you’re not totally trustable and can’t totally be counted on.

I realize this isn’t the whole story when relationship challenges come up but my experience tells me that when you “collapse,” this is one of the times when she gets bossy, bitchy, demanding and controlling.

When you are tempted to blame, start finger-pointing, judging her unfairly or harshly, ask yourself my favorite question…

“Will treating her (or acting in) this way move you closer to or further from what you want with her?”

My guess is in most cases, further from.

One final thing…I’ve seen many men (and I’ve been guilty of this myself) clam up, shut down and not say anything when you really have something you feel like you need to say.

Shutting down like this is a recipe for relationship disaster and it never “makes things OK.” Shutting down and not speaking your truth and NOT saying what’s on your mind will always create resentment, a feeling of hollowness and distance and separation.

Not good.

My wife Susie and I call this “talking On eggshells” and if this is something you do, we recommend you download our “Stop Talking On Eggshells” program right now from our website at http://www.StopTalkingOnEggshells.com

This program will show you the best ways to stop talking on eggshells and how to start speaking, communicating and living in a more honest and authentic way.

Remember, if you want to light up your woman and get the love and sex you really want from her…”collapsing” is not an option. Stay strong, powerful, centered and focused while at the same time continuing to love as you keep your heart open.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

Of all the questions I get from men who write in to me, the question of how to make her happy and keep her happy is one of the most frequent and also seems to be one of the most frustrating for men.

Men tell me…”No matter what I do, I can’t make her happy. I’ve tried to make her happy, it’s no use. I don’t know what to do anymore. Sex is not a
consideration since she won’t even talk to me…”

I’ll tell you what, if this is how you feel, this is incredibly frustrating.

I know firsthand how it feels to live this way because this is the way it was in all my relationships and my previous marriage before I learned some of the relationship skills I now know and use in my relationship with my wife.

Many of the things I do now to light up my woman and make her happy are included in our Red Hot Love Relationships book and audio program.

Question from a reader>>>>

Hi Otto–Congratulations on doing the newsletter just for us guys.  We guys need something like this and your info and advice hits so right on that sometimes I think about it for days after I read one of your newsletters.  So, thanks (I think). I have a question I’m hoping you can help me out with…

I want to be able to be able to make my wife happier. I need to be kinder. I tend to get wrapped up in so many of my own business dealings that I stress
and my patience level diminishes.  This problem of mine may have been one of the causes for my wife straying from our marriage. I cannot bear that ever happening again. I lost trust in my wife which makes it difficult at times for me to be kind. Too many bad memories. But when I am kind she is responsive.

So…I guess I already know what I need to do; but doing it is not always easy. Frustrating! (PS – our marriage is surviving -sometimes better than ever – but my memories are still in the brain bank and resurface on occasion – pretty much on a daily basis – sometimes greater memories than I want to have-and it provokes the hurt. Any suggestions?        Frank

My response>>>>>

Hi Frank–Thanks for writing in and for your honesty and kind words.  If you want to make your woman happy and keep her happy, it’s not all that difficult even though It might be seem like it in this moment.

By your own admission, you’re just like most men. You know what to do but you don’t do it.

Crazy–But this is what we guys do (or don’t do).  We spend all our time at work, or golfing, or doing something other than paying attention to our women and then we wonder what just happened when we start noticing strange phone numbers showing up on her cell phone and her not being around when she normally would be.

You say you need to be kinder. but you aren’t.  Well… what in the world are you waiting for?

One of the things I figured out not too long after my wife Susie and I got together is that if I wanted THIS marriage to be different…Then I had to be different.

Otherwise I shouldn’t be so surprised if this relationship went south too.

So what I started doing is treating her like the the most special person on the face of the earth.

This was easy because she is (at least to me…) the most special person on the earth.

But what about you and your woman? You said that when you treat her with kindness, she responds…No surprise here.  That’s what women do.  She, like all the other women I’ve ever met, loves to be treated with kindness, love and respect.

So, when you treat her with kindness, she responds.  My advice is to let her positive responses be your guide and let her responses inform how you’ll be with her in the future.

I’m certainly not going to condone or approve of her affair.  This is just plain wrong if you had a commitment of monogamy.

What I will say is that if you want to be as close as you’d like and restart the spark that I’m imagining is missing since all this has gone on…Then you’re going to have to find a way to let go of  your need to punish her and make her wrong for what she did (even if it’s only in your mind).  This is because your thoughts are powerful things and if you want her to truly open to you again and have sex with you again like you want.

You’re going to have to let go of your desire to hold on to how wrong she is and how much you can’t trust her. You’re going to have to start focusing on what is right and good about being with her. It’s also going to be helpful to spend as much time as possible focusing on what you love about her.  These things seem so small but the cumulative effect will be so great.

If you want to light up YOUR woman, if you want to make her happy AND keep her happy… Then take these suggestions to heart and I think you’ll start seeing some positive signs right away.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

Many men ask me…

“What do you do when she’s NOT happy about how much time I can spend with her?” She’s angry, upset and wants more time from you. You do your best and bend over backwards to be with her, spend time with her and do things with her and still… it doesn’t seem to be enough.

How can you spend more time with her when you’re already doing all you can? How much time with her is too much and how much is not enough?

What’s interesting is that I just had a man write to me with this issue. Here’s his question and my answer…

“Hi Otto, I’m really in a bad way right now. My woman and I are fighting quite a bit right now and I don’t know how to stop it. She told me something the other day that really bothered me. She said, ‘You never seem to have enough time for me.’ I told her I spend as much time with her as I can but it never seems like enough. I want for her to be more understanding of finances, time, work and why I work so much. Seems like there is no happy medium. What can I do to make her understand? Thanks” Jeff (Not His Real Name)

My response>>>>

Hi Jeff,

The real question is really 3 questions–

1) How much time do you REALLY want to spend with her?

2) Is she insecure or jealous and no matter how much time you spend with her it wouldn’t be enough?

3) Could it be that you either don’t spend as much time with her as you think or even that when you spend time with her, you’re not really with her?

I can’t know the answer to those questions but here are a few thoughts that should really help you with some new ways of thinking about time, your woman and your relationship.

In the beginning of your relationship, I’m guessing that spending time with your woman was never an issue. If you’re like me and how I’ve been in every relationship I’ve been in, in the beginning I couldn’t get enough of the woman I was with.

What’s different about my relationship with my wife and partner Susie than any other relationship I’ve been in, even after many years of being together, I still make spending time with her really important.

I was married to my first wife for 15 years and as I just said, I spent a lot of time with her in the beginning. As I look back, I didn’t spend time with her in the later years of our marriage. It seems that I found every excuse in the world to not spend time with her or at home.

I would go to concerts with other friends without her. I would visit family and friends without her. I would get involved in work or social activities without her. There was a part of me that justified all of this. I told myself that she wasn’t interested in the same things I was interested in.

Whether that was really true or not in my previous marriage, what I know for sure is that if you don’t spend time together, it’s impossible to stay close and connected. Even when I was at home, I wasn’t really spending time or connecting with her. While this certainly wasn’t the only reason that she and I aren’t together now, it was a contributing factor to our divorce.

If I stop spending time with my current wife Susie like I did with my first wife, as close and connected that we are right now, that closeness would ultimately fade away if we didn’t feed it.

I’m not suggesting at all that you have to be attached at the hip with your woman or that you can’t have interests she doesn’t share–but what I am saying is that if you want to keep the passion and spark alive for as long as you want, then you must find some common interests that you both enjoy and spend time with each other on a regular basis.

If you don’t, I can assure you that even if you choose to stay in this relationship or marriage, the passion will die- –guaranteed.

Gloria came to us because her marriage of 20 years had become unbearable. She loved her husband but he was so absorbed in his consulting work–even though he had retired the previous year–that he had little time for her. He often came home at 10pm from his office and went straight to bed and she was forced to find other people than him to do things with–like go to restaurants and movies.

He had encouraged her to buy season tickets for the two of them for a summer concert series in their town with the idea that these would be fun “dates” for the two of them. The trouble was that more often than not, he would cancel their “date” because he had to work at the last minute, leaving Gloria angry, frustrated and alone.

Gloria was hungry to have more of his time and attention and it was clear that his focus on his work was killing their passion and relationship.

If this kind of scenario is happening in your life, pay attention and find some balance. Ask yourself these questions-

What percentage of time do you actually spend truly connecting with your woman compared with the amount of time you spend doing other things like being on the computer, managing your fantasy team, spending time working on business after you’ve left the office, watching sports on TV or being with friends or hobbies that don’t include her?

What are you willing to rearrange or do differently to be able to spend more time with her?

When you have your answers, decide if you want to take a step toward getting closer to your woman by spending more time with her or if you want to make other things priorities in your life.

Hey, it’s your life–All I’m suggesting is that you live it consciously.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

I’ve made every mistake possible with women I’ve been in relationships with and yet I’ve gone on to not only figure out exactly what women want but I’ve also been able to figure out what MY woman wants.

That’s HUGE and the cool thing about that is that you can do it too.

In fact, you may not realize it but you have what it takes right now to really light up your woman. You can make her feel totally loved and create something really special between the two of you. In fact, you have the power to create exactly what YOU want with your woman.

I know you do but how do I know this?

It’s simple because you’ve done it before. If you’re wondering, “What did I do?” and “When exactly did I do this?” think about it. If you’re with a woman in a relationship or married to one, you did some things to attract her into your life. You made her feel so amazing and so special that she CHOSE to be with YOU.

This, my friend, is HUGE.

She chose you–NOT some other guy–Not some richer, more important, better looking or more sexually endowed guy… but you. That’s right, she chose you and continues to choose you in every moment of every day–even though things may not be exactly what either of you really wants– she still chooses you.

The problem with most men and their relationships with their women is that it’s like they have some sort of amnesia and “forgot” everything they did in the beginning of their relationship. You just stopped doing what attracted her to you in the first place.

One of the things that happens that is a big mistake is that you start having problems communicating with your woman, you get frustrated, you start having having “fights” about some of the smallest things. You grow apart and can’t seem to do what once made the two of you so happy.

The problem is that you want to keep the peace and you want to make her happy but you don’t know how. You find yourself doing what my wife and partner Susie and I call “talking on eggshells.”

You may not even be aware of it, but this “talking on eggshells” that you (and most other men) do is what happens when you emotionally or energetically retreat or withdraw.

What happens is instead of saying something to your woman you think might “get you into trouble” or might be something you fear you’ll regret later, you “talk on eggshells.” Usually either you don’t say anything or you measure your words so carefully when you do say something to her that you’re making sure it’s NOT something that might upset her.

You might even tell a “white lie” or worse just to keep the peace.

This “talking on eggshells” is a BIG problem for men for a couple of reasons. First of all, anytime you “talk on eggshells” and don’t say what’s real and true for you about the small (and big) things in your life, you lose your masculine power.

That’s right.

Every time you hold back, don’t say what’s on your mind and just go along with what you “Think” will make her happy, you give away your masculine power and you lose. And the worst part is… so does your woman.

I’ve been just as guilty of doing this as you or any other man and let me tell you I feel terrible when I do it. I don’t nearly do it as much as I used to when I was younger when I wasn’t aware of my patterns. But I still “collapse” from time to time and act like a 6th grader who’s feeling like he’s just had his lunch stolen by the school bully. It totally sucks when you do this because the last thing your woman wants from you is a man who “collapses” when things get tough.

She wants a man who stands in his strength and power and totally loves her and doesn’t give his power away to her or anyone–but also listens to her and respects her.

There’s a right way and a wrong way to “stop talking on eggshells” and reclaim your power with your woman and in other parts of your life.

Unfortunately, when most men decide that they’re no longer going to “talk on eggshells” and that they’re no longer going to give away their power, they make an even bigger mistake than “talking on eggshells” with their woman.

They mistakenly think that making the decision to “stop talking on eggshells” and start saying whatever is real and true for them is a license to quite simply start acting like a “jerk.”

You don’t want that, do you?

This gets you no where and NOT what your woman wants!

So, other than a man who stands in his strength and power more of the time…

What else does a woman really want from her man?

In other words…What can you do to really light her up and make her happy?

The truth is that I could write an entire book about each one of these ideas but there are 5 other things I want to mention to you very quickly that EVERY woman wants from her man.

The problem is almost every man I talk to falls short in almost every one of these areas. According to my research, as well as what I have discovered in my own relationship and life, what your woman MOST wants from you are THESE 5 things…

She wants…

1. Your time.

2. Your attention.

3. Your touch.

4. You talking to her. (Really talking to her.)

And…

5. You making her feel totally treasured.

That’s it.

Those five things, (especially the last one) is what she really wants from you ALL the time. As the saying goes… “The devil is in the details” but trust me on this, if you make your woman feel treasured and like the most important thing in the world to you– she’ll do ANYTHING you want. She’ll want to have more sex with you. You’ll have more fun together. You’ll laugh more and you’ll enjoy being together more.

And…

As I said earlier, the cool part of this is YOU already know how to this.

If you think about it, these five things are what you did in the beginning of your relationship to make her crazy about you in the first place. All you have to do to is more of what you did in the beginning of your relationship and the rest is only details.

Go for it.

You’ll be glad you did.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you haven’t signed up to get my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email: