First of all, you can rebuild trust after it’s been broken–and there are certain things that you’re going to want to do that will help you build it back. In fact, there are 4 variables that might either extend or shorten the amount of time it takes to rebuild trust…

1. The severity of the event that caused the mistrust. Being caught cheating with someone else usually causes a deeper level of mistrust than forgetting an anniversary.

2. How often the event that caused mistrust happened and how deep the connection is with the other person. If you’re repeatedly unfaithful (or frequently lie) and you want “one more chance,” chances are building trust will be a very long and difficult process–if it can be built again at all.

3. How deep of an emotional connection there is with the other person that is missing from the relationship with your partner. It’s a much bigger deal to regain trust if you fell in love with the other person and maybe fell “out of love” or at least “out of lust” with your wife.

4. How open and committed both you and your partner are to healing the issues that allowed the cheating to happen and your commitment to rebuilding trust.

The key in building trust is not how LONG but rather WHAT you do with that time. It’s how trustable you can become–as well as how open your partner is to trusting again.

You have to be willing to become trustable if you’re the one who broke trust. And your partner has to know what it would take for her to trust you again–the more specific the better. This usually takes some looking inward to discover that for yourself and herself.

You both have to buy into the process of building trust together but there’s a fine line you both have to walk. That “fine line” is not making guilt and blame the major dynamic between the two of you while still honoring both of your needs–and seeing movement toward trust.

If your partner unwillingly keeps you on a tight leash and “makes you pay” in every moment, there’s probably not much hope for the relationship unless you just like being beat up.

If you’ve cheated and want to regain trust, you have to want to prove in every moment how you’ve changed and how you are now trustable–and do it in specific ways that your partner has told you.

Guilt, blame and empty promises won’t create a relationship filled with trust, closeness and connection. True desire, commitment and follow-through will. If trust is to be rebuilt–it’s how both of you deal with the situation.

Oh, and one more thing…

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Rebuilding trust after you’ve been cheated on can be one of the hardest things you have to do. Here’s a question from a reader who’s in that situation and my answer…

***QUESTION FROM A READER:

“What is the average length of time it takes for someone to overcome trust issues once it’s been broken? Is there any information on length of time to recover? I see there are several ideas and ways to overcome trust. But I really want to move forward and would like to know how long this process takes or if it’s ever something one can do again once trust has been broken.”

>>>MY COMMENTS:

As I corresponded with him to ask for his permission to use his question here, he told me some of his story–which may not be unlike yours. He had had a string of girlfriends who either turned out to be married or stole money from him. In other words, they lied to him big time.

After awhile, if you’ve had these kinds of experiences, you probably are going to stop to wonder what’s going on. He told me that his friends didn’t have these kinds of problems–and we’re guessing that he asked himself over and over…”Why me?” “Will I ever be able to trust someone again– or even should I?” and “What’s wrong with me that I get with women who lie and cheat on me and my friends don’t?”

While we can’t say for sure why this man attracts these kinds of partners, we can say that before he gets in another relationship, it’s time for him to turn his attention inward. The person he has to learn to trust is himself.

He has to learn to allow himself to see and pay attention to the red flags that are usually always there flying that many of us choose to ignore in the excitement of a new romance. He can ask himself what he’s learned from these past romances that ended badly for him.

What kind of traits did these women have that could have clued him into their true nature? In hindsight, what actions did he see that could have warned him enough to ask some questions and listen carefully to answers.

Just as financial wizard Suze Orman says about money–”Ignorance is not bliss where money is concerned–we say the same thing about rebuilding trust…

Ignorance isn’t bliss where trust and relationships are concerned either.

Whether you’re learning to trust someone new or trying to learn how to trust someone again when trust has been betrayed, pay attention to the red flags. Become the observer and pay attention to how the other person’s words and actions feel inside you. Feel if they ring true to you. If they don’t, ask a question that will reveal their deeper intention.

A question from our “Magic Relationship Words” program like “Tell me more about that…” can open you both up to deeper communication and trust. It may also help you bypass the pain of betrayal–if you’re conscious and paying attention to the answers that come after that question.

Learning how to trust after it’s been broken is not really a time issue. It’s becoming conscious in your life– knowing what you want and then opening to it.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

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