Even with the many cultural changes that have occurred over the years, some things have remained. It’s still not completely acceptable for a man to be afraid. Think of the stereotypes of a fearful guy and you’ll probably come up with images of a man who startles easily and cowers at the sight of a bug.
This isn’t fair because both women AND men feel fear from time to time and often about very real and significant things.
But there’s another cultural taboo that many men are resistant to admit to and afraid to be and that’s vulnerable. Again, the stereotype is of a man who is feeble and wimpy.
My friend Michael playfully and jokingly asked me if I’d be willing to be “vulnerable.” I laughed for a moment and then here’s what I told him…
I told him that most men think it’s a sign of weakness if you allow yourself to be vulnerable… but it doesn’t have to be. The strange thing is –most women actually feel more connected to you if you allow yourself to be more vulnerable with her (and in your life as a whole).
Don’t get me wrong.
Being vulnerable isn’the same as being a whiny wimp.
That’s not sexy! Women won’t feel your deep masculine heart and won’t be willing to trust you with their heart if you’re a whiny wimp.
There’s a big difference between being vulnerable and being a whiny wimp.
It’s more than OK to be vulnerable with women. In fact, they want you to be that way. They just don’t want you to lose your masculine edge as you do it. It’s a delicate tightrope to walk and it’s definitely something you should learn how to do.
So how do you know the difference?
How do you know if you’re just allowing yourself to be a little vulnerable or if you’re coming off like a whiny 12 year old?
If you’re having a “vulnerable moment” (uncomfortable feelings or situations like not being able to pay the bills on time, an embarrassing failure at work or other feelings of inadequacy), ask yourself a couple of questions. …
1. Are you still “trustable” when you say or do what you’re thinking or wondering about?
Are you being completely authentic and not trying to manipulate her in some way as you share? If so, you are building trust. She’ll be able to see that you are coming from a raw and difficult place and this will bring her closer to you.
2. Can she still “Feel You” in those moments when you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable and real?
Are you letting her in and staying as open as you can in a way that’s consistent with who you are? When you communicate what you truly think and feel are you keeping with the core of who you are? Then you’re letting her “feel you.” You can ask for help, admit a weakness or talk about a failure and STILL remain solid, trustable and open.
When I allow myself to be vulnerable and openly and honestly share my fears, doubts and concerns with my wife Susie, she knows I’m not going to run away or collapse emotionally or physically in fear or doubt.
One of the things that Susie sometimes says that she really loves about me is that she KNOWS I’ll be there for her. She says she wasn’t all that sure about the other men that she’d been with before me, but she really feels like I would do anything to make sure she was and is OK.
She also says that I am more trustable because I allow myself to be “real” and honest with her.
Give your woman all of you and that means your strength AND your vulnerability.