A friend of mine, who I’ll call Jeff, asked my advice recently. He’s just started dating a wonderful woman and he’s really confused (and anxious too). He doesn’t want to do the wrong thing and scare her off– as has happened with other women in the past.
Even if you’re already in a committed love relationship or you are married, I think that you’ll find my suggestion to Jeff interesting, helpful and maybe even magical.
At a party we were both attending, Jeff pulled me aside and started talking about this new woman in his life. He admitted to me how worried he is about messing up this great relationship that seems to be forming between them.
Jeff told me, “She’s not like all the other girls I’ve dated or been with. I think she’s really special and I don’t want to do anything to spook her and scare her away. I don’t want to come on too strong…I want to see her a lot. We enjoy talking to each other, but I don’t want to pressure
her and make her uncomfortable before we even really get going.”
And his big questions for me were…
“How do I know how often she wants to see me? How do I know what she wants and whether it’s what I want too?”
Raise of hands for anyone reading this who has been in a similar place! I think we’ve all asked ourselves these same questions and stressed out trying to figure out what the woman in our life really wants.
None of us want to come on too strong, but we also don’t want to play it so cool we send the message that we’re uninterested or (worse yet) unfeeling.
Believe me when I say that no matter what stage of relationship you’re in, you probably have questions about how to know and understand what your woman wants and also how to give it to
I cover these issues extensively in our Crash Course In Communicating With Women program that’s available here.
But for now, here’s the advice I gave Jeff and, the interesting thing about my advice was how
shocked he was because it is actually very simple and logical while it has the potential for tremendous effects.
What I told Jeff was THIS…
If you want to know how much this woman wants to see you, be with you and how much time she wants to spend with you–just simply ask.
Like the reactions of a lot of men would be, Jeff was slack-jawed in amazement at my response.
He simply said, “Really? That’s what you do–ask ’em?”
I said, “YES–You ask ’em.”
The magic of simply asking…
That’s what so many men don’t get.
Often, we men want to do this the hard way and try to guess what a woman wants.Maybe we believe it’s what you’re “supposed” to do in a relationship or that our woman expects us to be some sort of mind-reader. But all this does is lead to frustration, misery, uncertainty and disappointment.
You read her non-verbal and verbal cues one way when she really means them another way. You assume that because she’s wanted something a certain way in the past, this is what she wants now and in the future.
As a result, you react from your guesses, theories and assumptions and you’re usually wrong.
This leaves both of you feeling misunderstood and dissatisfied.
Whether it’s with a wife, a girlfriend or anyone else in your life–if you want to know anything–just ask. Maybe this seems overly obvious to you, but stop and think about how often you make the mistake of assuming. What usually happens when you do?
We men have been accused of not being willing to ask for directions when we’re lost–and believe it or not–there are many times in your relationship and life when you might feel lost, confused or just need to double check and it’s just plain better to ask.
This way, you know and it takes the guesswork right out of it. And there’s the magic. When you ask your partner what she wants with a curious tone of voice and you really listen to her, you can respond in a way that works for her and for you too.
You both come away feeling heard, understood and connected.
It prevents resentment, arguments and a whole lot of drama too. Asking (and listening) also frees up a whole lot of energy for you two to truly enjoy being together.
Again, if you want my best advice for how to communicate with women without them going nuts on you–just go here: www.LightHerUp.com/CommunicationCrashCourse