How To Make Her Happy (and keep her happy)

Of all the questions I get from men who write in to me, the question of how to make her happy and keep her happy is one of the most frequent and also seems to be one of the most frustrating for men.

Men tell me…”No matter what I do, I can’t make her happy. I’ve tried to make her happy, it’s no use. I don’t know what to do anymore. Sex is not a
consideration since she won’t even talk to me…”

I’ll tell you what, if this is how you feel, this is incredibly frustrating.

I know firsthand how it feels to live this way because this is the way it was in all my relationships and my previous marriage before I learned some of the relationship skills I now know and use in my relationship with my wife.

Many of the things I do now to light up my woman and make her happy are included in our Red Hot Love Relationships book and audio program.

Question from a reader>>>>

Hi Otto–Congratulations on doing the newsletter just for us guys.  We guys need something like this and your info and advice hits so right on that sometimes I think about it for days after I read one of your newsletters.  So, thanks (I think). I have a question I’m hoping you can help me out with…

I want to be able to be able to make my wife happier. I need to be kinder. I tend to get wrapped up in so many of my own business dealings that I stress
and my patience level diminishes.  This problem of mine may have been one of the causes for my wife straying from our marriage. I cannot bear that ever happening again. I lost trust in my wife which makes it difficult at times for me to be kind. Too many bad memories. But when I am kind she is responsive.

So…I guess I already know what I need to do; but doing it is not always easy. Frustrating! (PS – our marriage is surviving -sometimes better than ever – but my memories are still in the brain bank and resurface on occasion – pretty much on a daily basis – sometimes greater memories than I want to have-and it provokes the hurt. Any suggestions?        Frank

My response>>>>>

Hi Frank–Thanks for writing in and for your honesty and kind words.  If you want to make your woman happy and keep her happy, it’s not all that difficult even though It might be seem like it in this moment.

By your own admission, you’re just like most men. You know what to do but you don’t do it.

Crazy–But this is what we guys do (or don’t do).  We spend all our time at work, or golfing, or doing something other than paying attention to our women and then we wonder what just happened when we start noticing strange phone numbers showing up on her cell phone and her not being around when she normally would be.

You say you need to be kinder. but you aren’t.  Well… what in the world are you waiting for?

One of the things I figured out not too long after my wife Susie and I got together is that if I wanted THIS marriage to be different…Then I had to be different.

Otherwise I shouldn’t be so surprised if this relationship went south too.

So what I started doing is treating her like the the most special person on the face of the earth.

This was easy because she is (at least to me…) the most special person on the earth.

But what about you and your woman? You said that when you treat her with kindness, she responds…No surprise here.  That’s what women do.  She, like all the other women I’ve ever met, loves to be treated with kindness, love and respect.

So, when you treat her with kindness, she responds.  My advice is to let her positive responses be your guide and let her responses inform how you’ll be with her in the future.

I’m certainly not going to condone or approve of her affair.  This is just plain wrong if you had a commitment of monogamy.

What I will say is that if you want to be as close as you’d like and restart the spark that I’m imagining is missing since all this has gone on…Then you’re going to have to find a way to let go of  your need to punish her and make her wrong for what she did (even if it’s only in your mind).  This is because your thoughts are powerful things and if you want her to truly open to you again and have sex with you again like you want.

You’re going to have to let go of your desire to hold on to how wrong she is and how much you can’t trust her. You’re going to have to start focusing on what is right and good about being with her. It’s also going to be helpful to spend as much time as possible focusing on what you love about her.  These things seem so small but the cumulative effect will be so great.

If you want to light up YOUR woman, if you want to make her happy AND keep her happy… Then take these suggestions to heart and I think you’ll start seeing some positive signs right away.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

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