Allow me to turn on the “way back” machine for just a moment and as I do this, think about these words…. (there’s a relationship lesson in this if you play along)

“Yeah, Come on, Come On, Come On, Come On Now touch me babe…”

I hope you’re not stumped because these words are the first line of one of the biggest hit songs the 60’s and 70’s rock band “The Doors” ever had. The song was of course,”Touch Me.”

What you may not know is that this is also a big clue to one of the things that women MOST want from their men and men don’t do it (at least in the way that she wants).

The men that I talk to and the men that I work with in my Relationship Breakthrough coaching practice tell me…

“I want my woman to want me more…”

“I want to have more sex…”

“I want a better love life. My relationship with my woman just isn’t as intimate or as passionate as it used to be… ”

And a million other things…

Men want to know “What can I do to make things different and better?”

Here’s something I’ve discovered about love and my relationship with my woman–Love, intimacy, passion and smoking-hot sex starts way before you get to the bedroom. Most guys don’t realize this.

One of the reasons I think this is because at some level we think our woman should be just like us. The thought or idea of love, lovemaking or sex comes into our minds and then we start visualizing, imagining, hoping, wanting and pretty soon (like in about 3 minutes),we’re ready.

The problem is that it doesn’t work that way for our women. For women, it’s what happens in the 24 hours (or more) prior to this moment that we want to make something happen in the bedroom that determines whether they’re open to being intimate or sexual with us.

What’s important is to make love with her ALL day and not just in the 3 minutes before you want to be intimate. Flirt with her ALL day and not just when you want her to be intimate. Talk to her in a loving way ALL day and not just when you want to get her behind closed doors. Touch her ALL day in loving, gentle, sexy, playful and flirty ways ALL day EVERY day and not just when you “want” her.

If you’re like most men when you read what I just said, you’re thinking, “But I do those things, already!” If she’s not responding to you, I’m willing to bet that you don’t, otherwise you’d be getting more of what you want from her.

I operate from a very simple premise with my woman and this premise is–I can get everything I want from her (and more) if I will only give her want she wants from me (her man). This sounds so incredibly simple that it sounds almost too simple and too good to be true.

But it’s not.

I try my best to give my woman everything she wants from her man and my rewards are incredible. We make love every single day. She’s kind and nice to me. We laugh and love all the time and from what I can tell, it is only going to get better with her.

The same thing can happen with you if you only make some shifts in your thought, beliefs and actions with your woman.

So, what’s one thing you can focus on to build more passion, energy, connection and desire from and with your woman?

Do what I suggested a few moments ago and “touch” your woman.

That’s right touch her. Your woman is craving your touch. She wants to feel your caress, a touch on the back, a touch of the hand as you’re putting the dishes away and any other time you can “accidentally” or on purpose touch her.

You can have so much more than you do right now in your relationship or marriage if you will only tune into your woman and give her more of what she wants and this includes “touching.”

Just to make sure I’m clear–this “touching” that I’m talking about isn’t some manipulative trick to get her into the bedroom more often. A non-sexual touch can demonstrate how much you love her in a way that you might not understand but she will.

Remember, whether your touch is sexual or non-sexual (I suggest you mix it up throughout the day)–it’s about connection with her and NOT about manipulation. It’s touching her to make HER feel good as well as to increase connection and desire for you.

You can light up your woman so much more than you think. I know you can and I’m in your corner.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

Recently, in my LightHerUp.com newsletter, I wrote something that caused a firestorm in the relationship of one of my readers.

Here’s what I said…

“Your woman is craving your touch. She wants to feel your caress, a touch on the back, a touch of the hand as you’re putting the dishes away and any other time you can “accidentally” or on purpose touch her. You can have so much more than you do right now in your relationship or marriage if you will only tune into your woman and give her more of what she wants and this includes touching.”

I said a whole lot more about this but you get the idea.

Then I get an email from this guy who said THIS about touching his woman and treating her nicely. He said, “This does not work. Treating her well and especially touching her just makes her more angry.”

Here’s my response to him…

Let me see if I’ve got this right–you’re saying that it “doesn’t work” to touch your woman. You say that treating her well and especially touching her just makes her more angry. If this is happening, this isn’t good.

I’ve been in relationships (and a marriage) where I felt like nothing I did was right so I can definitely feel your pain. I know that if this is happening, it can feel like you’re getting some kind of shock treatment therapy every time you try something to make things better.

If this is the case, you’ve got challenges in your relationship that “touching” alone won’t solve. If you’re suggesting that your woman is upset and angry because you’re treating her well then there’s a whole lot more going on here than you know (or realize).

First of all, go talk to 500 women and take a quick poll and ask them…
“Do you like to be treated nicely by your man?” and “If you’re in a committed relationship or married to a guy, do you like to be touched by him?”

If you were to take this poll, what percentage of women would say that they “like to be treated nicely” and like to be “touched” by their man? The answer…ALL of them.

How do I know this?

Because, I’ve taken this poll and I’m compiling the results of this survey right now and you’ll be able to read the results soon. So if ALL women like to be treated nicely and ALL women like to be “touched” by their partners, then what is going on here?

Why did this woman react with anger instead of joy that her man was treating her nicely and that he was touching her?

While I don’t know all the details about this particular situation and I can’t possibly know what’s going on behind closed doors here, what I can tell you that may bring some understanding about this situation is THIS about women, men and relationships…

As a generalization, one of the reasons that the passion, love, intimacy and spark dies in our relationships and marriages is because we stop doing the very things that worked in the early days of the relationship.

Think back to the beginning of your relationship with your woman–if you’re currently not in a committed relationship, think back to when you were. In the beginning of that relationship or marriage, did you treat her nicely? Did you touch her? How did she respond? Did she want more or less of you being nice to her or touching her?

If your woman is anything like mine, she wants more “nice” and more touching and NOT less and if she doesn’t, something’s happened along the way to close her down and make her withdraw from you.

But here’s the thing–We men sometimes act like we either have some sort of amnesia or we put blinders on that makes us do really stupid things with our women (sometimes we keep doing these really stupid things for a very long time) and then we’re left wondering just what in the world happened.

You can’t ignore your woman twenty-three and a half hours a day and hope to have her respond to your touch when YOU want to touch her or when you want something from her (like sex). You can’t hope to have your “touch” wipe out all the times you’ve withdrawn and withheld your love from her because you didn’t know how to deal with her moods or emotions– or your own.

You also certainly can’t expect her to think that a miracle has happened and you’ve somehow “changed,” even though you really may have. From her point of view… she may have seen this act before and “It didn’t last.”

Right now, your woman has a certain belief about you and that belief may not change overnight. My advice remains–ALL women want to be treated with kindness, respect and with honesty. They also want to be touched.

Make sure this is how you treat them ALL the time–not just when you want something. Don’t “try” something new like being nice or touching your woman to see if it works. It works, but only if your intentions are to connect with her. No game-playing. No short-term changing. No “I’ll do this and see what happens…”

If she rejects your touch, she may have stored up a lot of grievances against you that you may not know anything about. Researchers say that biologically women remember emotional details about a situation much more than men. So she’s going to remember when you’ve slighted her or made her feel bad– even if it was years ago.

If she rejects your touch, she may have to learn to trust you again so back up and start “being nice” in other ways like listening to her, voluntarily helping around the house and with the kids or just sitting with her on the couch.

In other words, if she’s important to you, don’t collapse. Don’t think if you try something once and it doesn’t work, that it’s not going to work.
Stand in your center AND feel into her. Be a man. Step Up. Be honest and live from integrity.

Then treat her like the goddess that you totally adore while staying true to your purpose and what’s important to you and I think you’ll be amazed at how good love and life with your woman can be.

I have been.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you haven’t signed up yet to get free insights for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email:

I don’t want to get all “barbaric” on you or anything but ever since the beginning of time, we men have killed other men over what we want, what we need and we’ve also killed over what we desire.

There’s a question that seems to be coming up for men in relationships with women these days that relates to this. The question goes something like this…What’s the difference between asking for and going for what you want and need sexually versus coming off being “needy” and “wimpy”?

This is such a great question and I’ve gotten several like this in my email box lately. Here’s a question with a slightly different twist on it that if you’re like a lot of men, you’ll want the answer to…

***Question From A Reader***

Hi Otto–First I want to say that I love your new “For Men” newsletter.
I just signed up and I’m loving your insights about men, women and relationships. I do have a question though…one that I don’t really know how to deal with. I’m hoping you can shed some light on it.
My question is…Women have told me that a man who is needy for sex is a turn off. But as a man, I do need sex to feel fulfilled in a relationship. Any suggestions?” Frank

My Response>>>

Hi Frank–First of all, thanks for the kind words. I appreciate them.
Since your question is one so many men are dealing with, I also appreciate your question greatly.

So, here’s the deal…Of course you need sex to feel “fulfilled” in a relationship. This is normal. But I also get what the women are saying who have told you that it’s a real turn off for a man to come off as “needy” for sex–or anything for that matter.

Believe it or not…There’s a HUGE difference between a man who needs sex to feel fulfilled in a relationship and coming across as “needy” to a woman. The first one (needing sex to feel fulfilled) is normal, natural and has always been the case for us men.

What I’ve found to be true about men and women and the differences between us is that sex for us men is like a doorway to feeling love, close, connected and appreciated. For women, on the other hand, it’s the exact opposite.

For women who are mostly “in their feminine radiance,” sex is something that happens naturally (in fact, they desire it a lot) when they are feeling close, connected, loved, appreciated and understood.

It’s no wonder we have so many challenges communicating with women and so much trouble understanding what they want. Ugh…The challenge for us guys is out of our desire for our women and our desire to make them happy and want to be with us.

We become so intensely focused on things like…”What can I do for you?” “How can I make it all better” “What’s wrong?” and “How can I make you happy?” And the trouble is that we very often become so intensely fixated on these kinds of questions that it can come off as “smothering” and “needy.”

To a woman this is simply NOT attractive. It’s also not sexy and it’s certainly not desirable. It’s no wonder she’s not “in the mood” as often as you might like.

Part of the problem is that this feeling of neediness is so intense that she feels there’s no way that she could take on that level of neediness even if she wanted to–with one exception. If you were her young child she could and would do it. Then it would feel normal and natural and something she (as a mother) should do. Women come hard-wired from the factory (our Creator) with this gift.

But as a partner, wife or lover, you’re not her child and when you overwhelm her with neediness, it’s just repulsive to women. You’re just someone else she has to take care of.

So, what do you do instead? If you want to turn your woman on more…If you want her to WANT to have sex with you more often, you’re going to want to stop any unconscious game-playing you’re doing and then focus on doing two things…

1) Start being more like a man and start acting from a place of strength, drive, focus, desire, courage, determination–as well as do what you say you’re going to do–and make her “attracted” to you again and want you more…

2) Go back to doing what you did in the beginning of your relationship to keep things hot, fresh, exciting and full of passion for each other.

The man who has a happy woman and gets what he wants in the process doesn’t act like a wimp and he sure as hell doesn’t act like a “bully.” The man who has a happy woman and gets what he wants in the process comes from a place of inner masculine strength. He loves.
He teases. He plays with his woman. He honors, loves and appreciates her and lets her know how wonderful she is.

He also stays in his “center” and doesn’t allow himself to get knocked off balance by life or his woman.

I know firsthand that it’s easier said than done. But this is what you do. I’m not perfect at it. No man is. So, what might this look like in living color?

One friend of mine recently suggested that the ideal man might be a blend of the movie star Russell Crowe only with heart. That’s not a bad starting place but don’t just try to be Russell Crowe. Be sure you make yourself your own version of his persona.

If you want a good example of this, check out– Russell Crowe’s character in the movie “American Gangster.” This will give you some things to think about. Russell Crowe with heart… but with your version, add more sensuality and connection.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

• Unlimited access to latest articles & content
• Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
• FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
• Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
  Mistakes Men Make…

Name:

Email: