Light Her Up

The WRONG Thing to Blame if You’re Looking for a Partner

Otto — Tue, 14 May 2013 17:53:03 +0000

“Where do I go to find women in this town?!”

This is the question that a friend who I’ll call “Big D” asked me recently at the Aikido dojo where we both practice. Big D knows that I’m a relationship coach and I work with both men and women to help them create more passion and love in their relationships and lives, so his question wasn’t totally out of line or as strange as it might have seemed to someone passing by.

He explained to me, “Otto, I need a woman and I’m having no luck!” According to Big D, he can’t find a woman anywhere and he thinks that the reason why is because he doesn’t drink, go to bars, isn’t into the club scene and doesn’t hang out with a lot of single friends.

He repeated his question and asked me where he should go to look for a woman. It was almost as if he was shopping for a boat or a new car.

Unfortunately, Big D didn’t like the answer I gave him about his situation. I told him that the problem here isn’t the place where available women hang out or even the fact that he’s not a partier. The reason why he’s having such a tough time finding a partner is all about something going on within him.

Of course, nobody– especially us guys– likes being told that if a situation isn’t going the way we want it to, it’s because of something we’re doing. The tendency is to look outside at other people and conditions for the reason why.

If you have this habit, know that it’s normal AND that it’s not going to get you any closer to a solution and to having what it is you want. If, like my friend Big D, you’re frustrated because you’ve looked and looked and can’t find a woman who is right for you, stop looking outside yourself and start looking within.

Shift out of blame mode.
Anytime you are in an unwanted situation and searching for someone, anything to blame, you’re dumping your energy into the wrong thing. When you do this, you’re only going to move yourself further away from what it is you want– a woman who is right for you– and you’ll exhaust yourself in the process.

Make a conscious shift OUT of blame mode. Don’t even blame or beat up on yourself. That’s not going to help you attract love either! Re-focus on what you want and what you can do to get it. It’s really as simple as that.

Discover your blocks.
If none of this seems simple at all and you feel clueless about how to attract a partner, concentrate on figuring out what’s standing in your way. Again, this isn’t about the people or external things that seem to be blocking love, it’s about the blocks that are within you.

Without putting yourself down, recognize the habits you have that prevent you from being the best you can be when you’re out socially or around a woman whom you are attracted to. What are the self-defeating thoughts you have? How do you usually choose to spend your time? How do you walk into a room? What are the words you use to describe yourself to another person and what are your listening habits?

Notice the things you think, say and do that keep you unhappy and alone and try experimenting with some different ways to be. I’m not talking about a complete personality or lifestyle overhaul here. Find out what feels doable and genuine and try that change on for awhile. See how it feels and notice what happens. If you like the results, keep doing it.

Make a shift within you and watch your love life and world change!

Are You Listening from Love?

Otto — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 18:55:19 +0000

If you’re like most people, you frequently ask yourself questions. Especially when it comes to communicating with your partner in an uncomfortable or tense time, thoughts like this might come to mind…

“What should I do?”
“What does she mean?”
“What can I say to make this better?”

Asking yourself questions can be very helpful and there’s one question in particular that’s fundamental to creating a great relationship.

That question is: “Am I listening from love or am I listening from my own agenda?”

Listening from love is one of the essential elements of a happy, healthy, connected and passionate love relationship or marriage.

It helps your partner feel respected, honored, important and even cherished.

When you don’t do it–you feel separation and distance.

What is “listening from love?”

Listening from love is listening with total attention to your woman with the intention to create a deeper connection and to truly understand her.

Very often, people think that if they truly listen with the intention to understand someone, they have to always agree and give up what’s most important to them. As you might imagine, this belief tends to bring up a lot of resistance and shuts the person down to really listening.

And, this belief is NOT true.

You can listen to your partner or to anyone else with an open heart and suspend your opinions, without losing your identity and who you are. You can ask for clarification when you’re confused or aware that you might be misinterpreting what you’re hearing and you can do so without having to jump in and defend.

Listening from love is not judging.

It’s listening –truly listening– to your partner without fear, doubt, judgment and other defense mechanisms getting in the way of a deeper connections of the heart.

One common complaint between partners is, ”You never listen to me!”

This was true for one couple I’ll call Sam and Anna.

As I got to know this couple through coaching sessions, it became clear that Sam was sort of listening, but he was too fearful to say what he was really thinking because he thought Anna would ”flip out” if he did.

He operated from the assumption that she’d react to his honest opinions in the way she did 5 years ago when they went through a particularly rough patch in their marriage. As a result, Sam didn’t really listen to what she was saying– he filtered her words through his memory of what happened in the past.

To avoid repeating those painful arguments that occurred 5 years ago, Sam listened to Anna enough to decide what he thought she wanted him to say but he wasn’t really listening to her fully or from the heart. They didn’t fight anymore because he agreed with everything she said, but in reality he harbored resentment and was emotionally withdrawn. Anna felt the distance between them, but couldn’t figure out what was wrong or why Sam shut down.

There was little genuine connection and no conscious agreements between them because of Sam’s fear to reveal his true feelings and his focus on the what happened in the past.

To listen from love, you’ve got to be present and create a safe space for honesty. Here are some more tips for healthy and connecting communication…

1) Be an engaged listener.
Whether you’re listening to your partner on the phone or in person, give her your undivided

attention. If you don’t have time to listen at that moment, arrange a time when you can truly listen and focus in on the conversation.

Listening is a time to forget “multi-tasking.”

2) Stay in the present moment.
Don’t let your mind drift into thinking about things that happened in the past or what may happen in the future–or what you might say or do next. Don’t guess what your partner will say or do. Just listen.

When you feel yourself mentally “leaving” the conversation, gently (or not so gently) pull yourself back into the present. It’s helpful to place your attention on your heart area when you are doing this.

3) Make agreements.
Create conscious agreements with your partner to set up some “ground rules” to promote a sense of safety for listening and honesty. Agree to honor each other by listening when the other speaks without interrupting or criticism.

4) Don’t get defensive.
This can be tricky and if you have a habit of feeling the need to justify or defend yourself, practice taking a deep breath and calming down before responding.

When you feel yourself reacting defensively to what’s being said (even in your mind), bring your attention back into your heart and ask something like this, “Tell me more?”

When you ask that question from your heart, very often you hear what is truly going on for your partner and you may find out that the truth is far from what you thought it was. Before you react, explore the situation deeper.

5) Have the courage to speak your truth.
Sometimes it takes a great deal of courage to speak your truth, but if you suspend your expectations about how you think your partner will react, very often you find that the conversation goes better than you thought it would.

This is something that ALL of us would benefit from paying attention to and practicing. No matter what your relationship is like, you can always get better at listening from the heart. When you do, disagreements resolve easier, communication improves and you and your partner can focus on the joy of being together.

Most Men Are Afraid To Be…

Otto — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 17:10:52 +0000

Even with the many cultural changes that have occurred over the years, some things have remained. It’s still not completely acceptable for a man to be afraid. Think of the stereotypes of a fearful guy and you’ll probably come up with images of a man who startles easily and cowers at the sight of a bug.

This isn’t fair because both women AND men feel fear from time to time and often about very real and significant things.

But there’s another cultural taboo that many men are resistant to admit to and afraid to be and that’s vulnerable. Again, the stereotype is of a man who is feeble and wimpy.

My friend Michael playfully and jokingly asked me if I’d be willing to be “vulnerable.” I laughed for a moment and then here’s what I told him…

I told him that most men think it’s a sign of weakness if you allow yourself to be vulnerable… but it doesn’t have to be. The strange thing is –most women actually feel more connected to you if you allow yourself to be more vulnerable with her (and in your life as a whole).

Don’t get me wrong.

Being vulnerable isn’the same as being a whiny wimp.

That’s not sexy! Women won’t feel your deep masculine heart and won’t be willing to trust you with their heart if you’re a whiny wimp.

There’s a big difference between being vulnerable and being a whiny wimp.

It’s more than OK to be vulnerable with women. In fact, they want you to be that way. They just don’t want you to lose your masculine edge as you do it. It’s a delicate tightrope to walk and it’s definitely something you should learn how to do.

So how do you know the difference?

How do you know if you’re just allowing yourself to be a little vulnerable or if you’re coming off like a whiny 12 year old?

If you’re having a “vulnerable moment” (uncomfortable feelings or situations like not being able to pay the bills on time, an embarrassing failure at work or other feelings of inadequacy), ask yourself a couple of questions. …

1. Are you still “trustable” when you say or do what you’re thinking or wondering about?
Are you being completely authentic and not trying to manipulate her in some way as you share? If so, you are building trust. She’ll be able to see that you are coming from a raw and difficult place and this will bring her closer to you.

AND

2. Can she still “Feel You” in those moments when you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable and real?
Are you letting her in and staying as open as you can in a way that’s consistent with who you are? When you communicate what you truly think and feel are you keeping with the core of who you are? Then you’re letting her “feel you.” You can ask for help, admit a weakness or talk about a failure and STILL remain solid, trustable and open.

When I allow myself to be vulnerable and openly and honestly share my fears, doubts and concerns with my wife Susie, she knows I’m not going to run away or collapse emotionally or physically in fear or doubt.

One of the things that Susie sometimes says that she really loves about me is that she KNOWS I’ll be there for her. She says she wasn’t all that sure about the other men that she’d been with before me, but she really feels like I would do anything to make sure she was and is OK.

She also says that I am more trustable because I allow myself to be “real” and honest with her.

Give your woman all of you and that means your strength AND your vulnerability.

Why do jerks win with women?

Otto — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 19:50:47 +0000

if you’re a man, did you ever wonder why women often choose the “jerk” instead of the “nice” guy?

If so, here’s a link to a video that Otto just did where he tackles the questions of Why jerks win with women? and why “nice guys” never seem to make their women truly happy even though most women say they want a nice guy for a partner.

What do women really want… a jerk or a nice guy?

Great relationship and marriage advice for men.
http://youtu.be/bW5jVd1cmRw

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

Unlimited access to latest articles & content
Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
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Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
Mistakes Men Make…

Are Men the Laughing Stock of the Sexes?

Otto — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:53:32 +0000

I love men and I LOVE Being a Man but as I write this, it seems that men everywhere are under fire.

Men are under fire from women, from the media and as best as I can tell–men are on the fast track to becoming the laughing stock of the sexes.

The worst part of this from my perspective both as a man and as a relationship coach who works with men is that most men are oblivious to what’s going on.

The question is…Is it that we men are too blind to see what’s going on? We don’t care? Or is it that women really are superior?

Just to be clear, I don’t think that women are superior to men any more than men are superior to women. As genders, men and women are different to be sure and there are many ways in which we’re the same or similar.

Men AND women each have our strengths and weaknesses and as individuals, it’s the same way. Every man and every woman has individual strengths
and weaknesses as well. This isn’t right or wrong-good or bad–it just is.

Here’s where the problem comes in–and I want to share a fairly common example in the media today of what I’m talking about.

This example is from a McDonalds commercial that paints men with a pretty broad brush as total, incompetent fools and I’m not just picking on McDonalds here. McDonalds is just the example I’m using. There are plenty of other similar examples in the media that portray the same thing.

The McDonalds commercial I’m talking about opens with scene of a woman and man in their late 20’s or early 30’s in the airport ready to depart for their honeymoon.

The next thing that happens is that “He” gets a last second text message from his friends who happen to be at McDonalds enjoying a sandwich that’s back on the menu for a limited time only. The guy begins to pout about how upset he is that he’s possibly going to miss getting one (or more) of these sandwiches before they are gone.

His new wife cuts him off to remind him about their agreement about no texting or cell phones on the honeymoon and then because of how excited her new husband got about the new sandwich being brought back for a limited time..she cries out loud “I just married a 14 year old!”

This is just one example of many in the media these days that are portraying men as bumbling fools and idiots implying that men are the inferior sex. As I’ve said, this is a dynamic that is being portrayed over and over in the mainstream media and it’s dangerous for relationships and marriages on many levels.

In these portrayals, the women are over-the-top controlling, bossy, know-it-alls that are seen as (at least mentally) superior to men. What comes across in these kinds of portrayals is that she doesn’t trust him.

He gladly drops the ball.

He doesn’t have to take responsibility.

He takes the attitude that “Why even try?”

She thinks–”He’s probably not going to do the task that’s called for or he’ll do it wrong.

She gets resentful.

He withdraws and they’re both left wondering what went wrong with their relationship and where did the romance and the spark go?

Men end up living out of feelings of disconnectedness, disillusion and dis-empowerment.

So what’s the solution to all this?

From my perspective, when the man steps up and into his power, all these shenanigans and nonsense of making men look small goes away.

The problem is that on some level, men believe that they are inferior or these portrayals wouldn’t be as popular as they are.

We all wouldn’t laugh at them or think they are clever or funny.

He’s heard it so much, so often that he’s not good enough and that he’s not trustable that on some level–not only does he believe it, but it becomes a self–fulfilling prophecy.

Not good.

In order for this kind of nonsense to go away, we men have got to step up and be not only the kind of men that women want but stand in our center, our core, the deepest part of ourselves and discover how to be BOTH powerful (and responsible) AND vulnerable at the same time.

We men need to decide the direction and purpose of our lives and go for that purpose with 100 percent certainty and clarity.

I go into this in detail in my ebook and audio program “Light Her Up” that you can find here.

And I cover the right way and the wrong way to communicate with women in our “Crash Course In Communicating With Women.”

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

Unlimited access to latest articles & content
Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
Mistakes Men Make…

One Of Your Woman’s Biggest Fears… (Are you Making It Worse?)

Otto — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 17:55:10 +0000

If you’re a man, you may not know this but women everywhere wonder about THIS question much more than you might ever think…

Her question is this: “What *IF* he wants another woman more than me?”

Of course, if you’re doing the kinds of things I teach in my “Light Her Up” book and audio program, she won’t ever be wondering if you’re messing around on her, that you want someone else more than her or if she’ll be “replaced.”

If you learn how to “light her up,” you’ll be one of the small percentage of men who get everything they want from their woman because you know what she wants and how to give it to her.

Question from a reader–Jim writes…”How do I make myself secretly desire my wife instead of other women?”

My Comments :

HI Jim, Thanks very much for the question. This is a question and topic many men struggle with and I have some insights and suggestions that should help you deal with your question.

If you’re living with the question of “How do I make myself secretly desire my wife instead of other women?” then one of these things is likely going on…

1. You haven’t truly committed yourself to one woman

2. You don’t really want to be with YOUR woman

3. You focus on all your woman’s negative aspects and qualities instead of what you love, like, appreciate and the things that turn you on about her

Or…

4. It could be that you are just plain bored (or feel bad about yourself) and are looking at other women as a way to rev up your excitement, passion and desire in the intimacy, sex (or life) department.

I work with a lot of men (and couples) one-on-one, both in person and by telephone, every day to help them keep the spark alive in their relationship or marriage and no matter whether it’s one of these reasons or something else that’s going on, one of the first things I would ask you if I were your coach would be…

Are you committed to being with just YOUR woman?

One of my next questions would be…

Are you interested in having lots of passion, spark and connection with YOUR woman?

If your answer is *Yes* to those two questions then my advice to you would be very simple…

Appreciate the beauty, radiance and sexiness of all the women that you see or come in contact with AND do everything you can to make your woman feel like the most special and important woman on the face of the earth.

This is probably going to require you to spend more time focusing on what’s great about or what’s sexy about your woman instead of other women. It’s probably going to require you to spend more time giving your woman your full and complete attention and it’s probably going to require you to get to know what it would take to make your woman feel special–and then your job is to do THAT.

What I have found to be true is that you can’t light up YOUR woman if you’re spending too much time either in reality or your own thoughts focusing on “other” women.

Believe me, I’ve tried it in other relationships long before getting with my wife Susie and I don’t think it’s possible to spend your sexual, spiritual or emotional energy on other women and make YOUR woman feel #1 in your world.

She’ll notice.

Women are very intuitive and they will know at some level where your heart and mind is.

What I would do to increase my desire for my woman (if that’s what I wanted) is to spend some time with a note pad and pen asking myself questions like these and writing out my answers…

What do I find sexy about my wife or girlfriend?

What is it about her that turns me on?

What do I appreciate most about her?

My experience has been that no matter how much more drawn you are to other women, the more you focus on YOUR woman, the more you will find attractive about her.

As the saying goes…We always find what we’re looking for in life.

Same thing in your relationship with your woman– you get more of what you focus on. The question is… what will you choose to focus on?

Something that will bring the two of you closer together or something that will keep the two of you further apart? The choice is always yours.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

Unlimited access to latest articles & content
Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
Mistakes Men Make…

What to do when you’re tired of fighting…

Otto — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 18:32:30 +0000

Today I’ve got a couple of great tips for you for how to deal with your relationship (and your woman) when relationship challenges pop up.

As a relationship coach and a mentor for men I can tell you that relationship challenges can take on a million different looks but one thing that’s for sure is…

If you aren’t “feeling it” from your woman and you’re not getting what you want from her, then it can be incredibly frustrating to say the least.

If there’s yelling, fighting or anything else that’s keeping you from having the best possible relationship with your woman, I highly suggest you pick up a copy of my “Light Her Up” program as soon as possible.

Here’s why…

This is the first book and program of its kind that is specifically FOR MEN interested in how to make a committed relationship or marriage work at a
whole new level–one that’s filled with love, passion, intimacy and lots of sex.

Most of the feedback I’ve gotten about the book suggests that what I cover in the material isn’t necessarily “rocket science” or all that difficult, but the ideas and info in the book is what ALL women want from their men (if they would only give it to them).

Light Her Up shows men, like you, not only what to do to make your woman happy but with what you’re going to learn how to do–she’s going to feel so loved by you and so connected to you, she will gladly want to have sex with you 2, 3, 5 or 10 times as much as she does now.

~~~ Question from a frustrated reader:

“Hi Otto –

“I wanted to drop you a quick note and see if you had any suggestions for me.

“The most frustrating thing for myself and my relationship is the yelling and fighting.

“The things I most want is more respect on both half’s…a better understanding of each other, and just a happy and loving, caring relationship with my wife.

“There is no one else I would rather spend my life with but I’m really frustrated right now…What can I do?

Rick (a Loyal reader)”

~~~~~ My Comments :

Hi Rick–

Being frustrated is no way to go through life.

Believe me, before I figured all this stuff out and started doing things differently, I’ve been there where you are in my previous marriage and relationships so I know it’s no fun.

One thing I gotta’ tell you that should make you feel better is to let you know that sometimes even the smallest of shifts in the way you’re thinking and what you’re doing can make all the difference.

Take for example your statement about how frustrated because of the yelling and fighting.

Yelling and fighting (and most other relationship challenges, as well) almost always happen because one or both people are stuck trying to prove to each other how right they are and how much the other partner should just admit it.

In fact, most people (guys especially) really live from the place that “everything would be OK if she were only more like me!”

My suggestion is to “get curious” more of the time instead of getting frustrated and learn to appreciate your differences instead of making those differences wrong.

The thing about the respect that you want is that respect is something you can’t manufacture or create just because you want respect.

In fact, respect is a natural outcome of you standing in your center, deciding who YOU are, what you want for your life and going for it full out while living and loving with an open loving heart.

Think about it…

Anyone that you respect in your life is someone who makes a commitment about how he’s going to be in his life, what he’s going to do and then he goes and does it without excuses.

As for communication challenges…

You can download all my best strategies for communicating with your woman here in my “Crash Course In Communicating With Women” program.

Believe me when I say that life’s too short to go through it pissed off and frustrated all the time.

You deserve love and a woman that’s happy to be with you.

I’m here to help you with ideas to help you along the way.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

Unlimited access to latest articles & content
Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
Mistakes Men Make…

Relationship Advice When You’re Not in a Relationship But Want to Be…

Otto — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:06:04 +0000

Here’s The Craziest Thing I’ve Ever Heard About Relationships…

The trouble is–I hear it from men (and women too) ALL the time and it’s one of the things that keeps you from having the love you really want….

It’s something a guy said to me the other day and it certainly isn’t the first time someone has said something like this to me.

A man I know (let’s call him “Mike”) and I were having lunch a few days ago and I invited him to a free talk that my wife Susie and I were doing later that week on relationships.

What he said was mind boggling.

Of course both men and women have said things like this to me so much in the past that I shouldn’t be surprised by it anymore but it still takes me aback when it happens.

After being invited to come to our talk on relationships, “Mike” said to me…

“But I’m not in a relationship.”

When he said that…

It took all I could do to keep from smacking him real good and calling him a stupid idiot or worse!

He wasn’t interested in our talk because he’s not currently in a relationship with a woman–although he had just finished telling me how he wants to be in one and can’t seem to figure out why he’s not.

Duh…

Whether you’re in a relationship or you’re not and you’d like to be–here’s some friendly advice…

If you’re in a relationship and you know that you need help, by all means –get it!

If you’re in a relationship and NOT in a relationship crisis, then don’t wait until you desperately NEED relationship advice before you start looking for it.

Learn some new ideas and skills to make your love even better and keep growing.

And…

It sounds kind of crazy but if you’re NOT in a relationship and you want to be- This is also one of the best times to get some good advice (and not from your best friend, your uncle or the guy at the club)-unless they’re trained professionals about love and relationships.

If you’re still single or you’re in a relationship and it isn’t going so well…there’s probably a reason why.

It might be helpful for you to try to figure out why love is passing you by BEFORE you’re on your death bed.

Perhaps even now…

To learn some great Communication Skills, I suggest that you check out my, “Crash Course In Communicating With Women”

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

Unlimited access to latest articles & content
Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
Mistakes Men Make…

Are you a “Relationship Storm Catcher”?

Otto — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:31:13 +0000

If you’ve been alive for very long at all, you know that “storms” are a part of life.

Storms come and they go but some people are actually addicted to the drama of “storms” and actually “chase” them, especially relationship storms.

Chasing storms like tornadoes and hurricanes isn’t the smartest thing in the world to do but plenty of otherwise intelligent people do it anyway.

It’s the same way in our relationships–some men actually get off on creating drama and “storms” in their
relationships that almost NEVER take them closer toward what they want with their woman.

So how do you tell if you’re a Relationship “Storm Chaser” and what do you do next if you are?

I watched my 22 year old son with fascination as he watched the TV show “Storm Chasers” and I gotta’ admit it’s quite the show.

If you’ve never caught an episode or you’ve never heard of it…

Storm Chasers is a TV show on the Discovery Channel that highlights a group of scientists and filmmakers who
hunt down tornadoes to capture stunning severe weather video and valuable scientific data that will eventually help teach scientists and meteorologists how to predict storms more accurately.

“Storm Chasers” is great because it’s a pure adrenaline rush for the storm chasers and as someone who’s
watching–you don’t have to go get in the middle of a tornado and actually get in harms way to get the effect of what’s going on and how exciting and dangerous it is.

This reminds me a little bit of the way some men are in their relationships and marriages.

They aren’t happy until and unless they’re stirring up a bunch of S%&*# on a regular basis with their woman.

It’s crazy, I know. but…

It’s actually true that some men aren’t happy until and unless they’re creating some kind of drama or chasing a “relationship storm” (usually brought on by some communication challenge with their woman….)

In relationships where there are a lot of “storms,” one of the things I occasionally wonder about is something like…

“How would it be possible to have the relationship, love and passion and yes, sex and intimacy you want–without all the drama?”

The bottom line is that I think everyone would be better off and both men and women would both get what they want more of if there were less drama and “Storms” to deal with in their relationships and life.

A “storm” can be a lot of things but here are a couple of things specifically that “storms” in a relationship revolve around…

– Drama

– Upsets and

– All the things we do that keep the drama and upsets going long after the situation has calmed itself down.

You know you’re in a relationship “storm” when you’re upset and you can’t even remember why.

It’s a “storm” if it’s a conflict that one or both people seem attached to or committed to holding onto.

It’s a “storm” when anything has happened that causes the two of you to feel separated and disconnected from each other.

I’ve got a couple of quick suggestions (and a couple of resources) for you to consider the next time you find
yourself in a “relationship storm” that you wish would blow over much faster than it seems to be moving.

1) Take a look at your “why” for why you keep conflicts going instead of finding ways to resolve them.

This might be to prove a point, to make sure she knows you’re “right” and she’s wrong or any number of other reasons.

If you’re doing anything to keep the drama and conflict going– stop it.

2) Don’t stand and fight but don’t run away either.

Neither “fighting” with her or running away when things get tough will light your woman up and make her more open to you.

3) Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.

If you don’t know how to do this in a way that opens your woman’s heart, mind, soul and body to you, you are really missing out on the power of communicating to connect with her.

You can download the recordings from an online seminar my wife Susie and I did a few months back called “a Crash Course In Communicating With Women”

The great thing about communicating with your woman at the heart and soul level that we teach is that feeling “connected to you” is one of her greatest desires.

Make her feel truly and deeply “connected” to you and you can take your relationship from Stormy to sensational in no time at all.

If you’ve got any comments about this article, drop me a note and let me know what you’re thinking.

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

Unlimited access to latest articles & content
Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
Mistakes Men Make…

How to “Train” Your Woman the “Right” Way

Otto — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 18:25:50 +0000

In just a moment I’m going to tell about something you’re already doing with women…and how to do it better.

My idea is–if you’re going to do something… why not do everything you can to get the result you want?

One of these aspects of relationship and relating to women (or your woman) is your communication.

Most women my wife Susie and I talk to in our relationship coaching practice tell us they want their men to communicate better with them.

The thing we’ve observed from men like you (in most cases ) is that you don’t have any idea what she’s talking about when she says she wants better communication from you.

Fortunately for you, I’ve created what I call a “Crash Course in Communicating With Women…”

This totally takes the guesswork out of how to communicate with women (especially your wife or intimate partner) and shows you how to give her what she wants as well as how to communicate with her in ways
that helps you get more of what you want too.

Here’s a mind-boggling thought that’s true for both men and women…

Whether you realize it or not…

and…

Whether we’re consciously aware of it or not…

We are ALWAYS teaching our partner, our beloved, or the woman we just met at work or at a restaurant how to be with us.

That’s right.

With every look, every frown, every gesture every smile, every word and every moment, we’re training the woman in our lives (or the woman we want to be in our life) how to be with us.

The problem is…

For most of us guys we are “training” the women in our lives to be with us in ways we DON’T want instead of the ways we do want.

One of the best ways to “train” a woman to give you more of what you want (and make her happy in the process) is to give her more of what she wants.

I call this “lighting her up.”

One way you can do this is by giving her appreciation for doing specific things.

For example:

Whenever she wears something you find especially alluring, tell her how much you like it and specifically how and how much it turns you on.

You might say something like…

“I really like the way your new top shows off the curve of your____________. I find that to be really sexy.”

The key is in the specificity and the other key is in the way that you appreciate her.

You’ll shoot yourself in the foot if you expect her to go to bed with you right then and there–so don’t appreciate her with that expectation.

Even though you might have an agenda for doing it… don’t just appreciate her to “get” something.

If you do that, she’s going to see right through it and not only will it piss her off but make her suspicious of what you say in the future about whether what you say is true or not..

In other words, your agenda should be to just appreciate her so she “lights up” as I
like to say.

You’ll find many more great tips for lighting up your woman in my book and audio
program called “Light Her Up.”

Oh, and one more thing…

If you want to tap into my latest insights and advice for men to help you light up your woman, be sure and sign up for my “Light Her Up” newsletter in the form below…

Subscribe now and enjoy FREE:

Unlimited access to latest articles & content
Exclusive emailed discounts & bonuses
FREE Relationship Tips newsletter with in-depth advice
Report: 10 Biggest Relationship and Passion killing
Mistakes Men Make…